Monday, December 5, 2011

Writing Challenge - A Hot, Buttered Soul

I had been lost in my thoughts when the car came sliding into the sidewalk. The man had been drunk and his Honda struck me head on. There was no pain as I felt the cracking of my ribs and the bones in my arms. I was dead before my body hit the ground.

My filmy spirit rose from my body and I looked down as blood oozed out of my lifeless form. "Try not to look," a soft voice said from behind me.

I whirled around and looked behind me to see a young woman all dressed in white. She gave me a gentle smile and reached her pale hand out to me. I took her hand, though I wasn't sure why I did. She led me away from the scene of the accident, gently tugging at my hand anytime I tried to look back.

We rounded a corner and she stopped. I turned but we were out of sight of the accident. I looked back to the woman and said, my voice shaking a little, "I'm dead, aren't I?"

She nodded, a single tear trailing down her pale cheek. "I'm your guide to your new life," she said, "I know you must have many questions."

I nodded and my eyes turned skyward. "Do we go to Heaven from here?" I asked, wondering if I would soon be seeing my grandparents who had died when I was a child.

A smile crossed the woman's lips but her bright blue eyes looked very sad. "That's not how it works," she said, "You need to earn your way into heaven. I've been waiting for nearly a century but I'm still working my way up there."

I looked shocked as I felt the pit of my stomach drop. The woman leaned in, putting her arm around me leading me away. "It's not that bad, Mary," she said, "It is amazing still to see the world from this side."

We faded away into the mist as I began a new chapter as I started my journey to Heaven.


For the IndieInk Writing Challenge this week, Brad MacDonald challenged me with "A hot, buttered soul won't get you any closer to Heaven" and I challenged Hannah with "Faery Tale Romance".


  1. Oooh, this was interesting! The twist that she wasn't going directly to heaven but had to wait an indeterminate amount of time made me want to know more about the woman who had been waiting for nearly 100 years - what did she do during that time etc. Interesting premise for a longer piece.

  2. I agree with Liz - This begs to be something more. Nicely done. Lovely descriptions and imagery.

  3. I agree with Kelly, I want to know more :) I really love the opening paragraph, it's so detached and efficiently descriptive.